about the insignificant

it feels like writing again,

feels that what needs to be

can only be begun sometime

an inconspicuous time,

often this is the romantic spirit of idealism

often this minor effort will wither away into the average

but wont it be, even otherwise, the average i mean?

why make fun of the little ones

why neglect them as trivial and unimportant

why so, even when these

in ever so insignificant ways build what we understand by momentum

and momentum isnt that all that matters?

i doubt if major efforts and waiting for them

have ever been of significance

and one may question wherein comes the major effort from

but from a general momentum

built in ever insignificant ways

in ever miniature forms

little revolts here and there

the littleness hides the human nature

and a momentum is sure to be built

a momentum that is anyways built

and when it is built, its hard to brake it

to tame it, to control and release

and who comes to the rescue?

are little friends, miniature efforts

the making of an artist or an inventor

of an leader and a peasant

is not due to the bold stroke of genius we all hear about

it is the nurturing and practicing of the medium of expression

of years of little efforts

years spent in learning the language that can speak creativity

that can dance and walk on a tight rope, with energy and lack of fear

and all we notice is the miniature effort that makes all the difference

that sums up all the rest and thus hides from us

the ignorant bystander

and then we ignorant people, we ape these minor finishing touches

as real standalone efforts

to replace the artist/creator and fail

fail miserably cause we come to know how difficult an effort it would take

and thus we conclude, oh the ignorant bystander, how much of a genius it takes

and we live our lives with this learning embedded into our living

the importance of a certain kind of effort ever increasing,

of bold strokes and radical ideas, the illusion of glamour

and we neglect that what can build a momentum

and thus we fail again, and again we conclude what a genius it takes,

but this time, we also conclude that we can not.

and sometimes, we wait for our bold stroke of creativity,

and never make the smaller ones that might give momentum,

because our yardstick is just so bigger than what we can manage to do,

and so we wait for the enlightenment, we dream for the big moment,

we are desperate for the minor sparks of opportunity that we might come across,

and we neglect so much…

and thus fails another artist, even before the journey began,

ignorant and disillusioned, and convinced that it takes a genius,

and mistakes it as hardwork instead.

the basics

the problem with understanding the human aspect of brain is that its quiet vast and dynamic. there are many scales of events that trigger and work in sequence, with many permuatations and combinations to develop a state which we say, 'i think...'. however given the time im involved with my brain and the fact that i have one, however i like it or not, makes it easy to convince you the reader, that i know somewhat how it works.

well, here's all the stuff i think, blank and blind as it is :) enjoy

greed and efficiency

the habit of trying to move mountains:
there are two types of people who can break stones, the first is the simple stone breaker, who sees the stones and takes a hammer and breaks them. and then there is another type, the 'intelligent' one, who wants to achieve more than the simple one i.e. break more stones than the simple man, with lesser actions/resources but more thinking....achieve more with one go...

the latter creates ideas, makes assumptions, measure resources and strategizes over how to be 'efficient' in breaking stones. he puts a lot of effort in thinking and researching other tools, with the ultimate goal of higher efficiency. after numerous experiments and years, he develops a design that can break 5 stones in one go, but requires additional resources, more metal, fuels and is costlier than the humble hammer. its requires time to manufacture and labour. so the tech guy see this as an opportunity, convinces 5 stone breakers to leave their profession and join a labour camp to make stone breaking equipment. the balance sheet is balanced, the prices, wages are fixed, etc. its a profitable business. u can build a 10 stonebreakers/month, each with a capacity to replace 5 stonebreakers multiplied with the ability to replace another 10 by working day and night, and thus the process is very efficient.

By the end of above paragraph,  the 'tech' have 'liberated' 150 not-so-perfect-and-efficient-machines, the human stonebreakers, from the back breaking work, and gained a huge 'profit'. so its is only 'sustainable' to continue and more such machines are built and distributed. profit is tastier and its a pleasure to have as much. however, what about the 150/month of free souls? well some are as enterprising as the tech guy, so they decide to compete, and you have another 150/month count of free souls. well not everyone is interested in replacing stonebuilders, so some start building the farm machines. more free souls. and so on....

free souls(humans) are not sustainable and peaceful in general and they start to create menace, so the government decides to employ them, create jobs. also one of the tech guy decides he doesnt want to just build some stonebreakers, but many and for that its would be efficient to takeover other companies. to do that it would be more efficient if force is used instead of buyin it out, so he asks the little government of ex-stone breakers and ex-farmers to help him take stuff from the other, and a new profession is born, the militia. after the takeover, the government is stronger, the military gets more men and funds are available to develop new industry of this war machines. other people are scared and they develop their own militia, and efficiency of operations increase globally.

then there are some subtypes of the tech people, who spend all life studying the stones and finding out how to break them more and more efficiently. they branch out into various techniques and stuff. some people get bitten by the bug of exploration and leave the trail that heads back to industry, and they delve into theoretical physics,maths...and yes, they are ofcourse fed by the government since now the governments know that there is chance that these guys may make the processes more efficient.

in all, tech is created to increase efficiencies and it also creates more free souls, who enterprise to create more tech and more free souls. just like a stack of cards, the only difference being that the cards are dynamic. this process of super efficiency : replace more with less, continues creating the world today. all to break simple stones...funny.

it seems greed and efficiency are quiet related. well we have examples right in our own brains. often we dream, and imagine of moving mountains, because you know that it is the most efficient of all thoughts. by moving mountains i mean being successful at first go, become the richest man on earth, become super intelligent, ultra cools and others.....well if you ask the question why do you want to move anything in the first place, then you must head back to the start of this story and understand why a stonebreaker was 'inefficient'..we dont like inefficiency at all, its very annoying...so why try moving stones when you can imagine moving mountains. why do the ground work when u can see the sky...

the idea of ultra-efficiency is very lucrative and we fall for it. There are 2 side-effects of this persuit, 1)you spend enormous time dreaming 2)you build a virtual image of achieving the dreams and the feelings you will posses then(if you do). it is very tempting and so much that it becomes a habit. the images in your head become stronger and stronger and for you its is an unacceptable contrast to the reality around you. When the time comes for living in real life, u expect yourself to move the mountains you always have imagined you are able to, and you fail. the fall from the castle of dreams is so large that it dents you pretty permanently. however we try some more times, till we realize that we cant do this, that the world is not a fair place for you to be, that your life is doomed. however you still cant let go of the dream, its a habit now, years of dreaming cant be wished away. it would require years of practicality, of reality, and that to only when you accept that you are a stonebreaker by birth, you can only move stones rather than mountains. that efficiency is nothing but greed.

life is not doomed, it can only be worse. if you stick to the moving stones, you can move the mountains some day, but dreaming about ultra-efficiency is a disease. you must fight the illness or else fight the reality.

the state of world today, is a result of greed and we continue to participate in it. we value efficiency more than human life. we value concepts of our mind more than the lives involved. the question that must be asked , humbleness or efficiency?  

a note to myself, first

 ideas, ideas are all i have. personal ideas is all that is important. i can talk about everyone, i can generalize but that is useful only when explaining myself to the other or understanding/accepting myself wrt to others. but how often do i actually look at myself with honesty of the utmost grade. its not a momentary view, but requires my time and attention, i need to be serious. and even if it confuses me in regards the outer world, and also disturbs me wrt reference standards i have acquired or which i have myself set, it is nevertheless closer to myself. while i write this, im in two worlds, one that is speaking solely to and for myself, and the other where i am imagining someone else reading these lines about me. and all im talking about the former, and restraining the latter. how often do i spend the time thinking about the others and how they look at me..my vision is so much of what i understand of others. my references are those of others. and in that regard i look at myself and accept myself. i want the same to be really bestowed upon me. now who are the others?
the first names come from my friends and families, and even before that, its my best friend. in all honesty of allowing confusion to dawn upon me, im questioning my beliefs, asking myself constantly if i will show these lines to others, as if others are just behind while i carry on this act of spending time pressing some buttons, sitting in a centuries old posture (atleast from the time the brits left), looking at a screen  of moving characters, a form of expression vastly passive on the outside. and its fun to write too. it seems i want to do this, to express my thoughts. im here, accepted by the world in general around me, as someone doing something that one knows is OK to do, others have done it, and it doesnt cross the boundaries of normality, its acceptable.

there are things that i can identify that are outright questionable. all things are questionable as conditioned, acquired, and blindly accepted..one of the thought that comes into my mind, clothes..im wearing clothes because everyone is. and asking this question seems funny and annoying accoring to my idea of 'society'. but who makes this society complete, other than me? and let me remind the reader or the writer, that even  in this moment of few lines and a reasonable speed, i am writing but to a reader who is not me..there it is, this issue of not being totally oneself, totally in all respects...i dont want to share anything, i neednt..how easily im in the habit to let go of this oneness and embrace the otherness...